THINGS TO DO IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE OR THREE WITH A GIRLFRIEND #SAYITDONTCYBERSPRAYIT
In a man’s world, airing out beef with a buddy is as simple as having a beer, watching a game and kind of skirting around the issue until it’s resolved. Or sweeping the whole mess under the rug (and keep in mind men never sweep…so doubtless that mess will ever see the light of day again!). Men seldom send nasty texts and emails to each other make passive aggressive comments on social media or write cryptic comments for friends to decipher and counter comment. Women do!
Have you ever opened up an innocent enough looking email from a female friend to find it strewn with thinly veiled resentment/jealousy and even downright anger and hatred?
Gotten a snarky text from a friend who is annoyed at something you didn’t even realize you did?
Got “caught out” on Facebook or Instagram hanging out or at a work function with other friends and had weird comments from a friend who felt left out? Even though it was a spontaneous night out or something you had planned with another group of friends she doesn’t know?
Women are extremely possessive creatures by nature. The longer you’ve known someone, the more you “own” them and the rights to their friendship. We tend to run in the same ‘clique’. There was no 5th wheel on ‘Sex and the City.’ It was just the 4 fab girls, their gay friends and numerous boyfriends. Who rarely if ever got invited to wine and dine with the girls.
Girl’s time is a sacred institution. As are female friendships. That’s why we have to treat them kindly or they get lost forever over something stupid and petty.
1: HAVE YOUR TALK FACE TO FACE
This doesn’t mean FaceTime on your computer! You want to be able to read each other’s mood and make sure the timing is right.
2: PICK A NEUTRAL LOCATION TO TALK
A quiet bench on a park. Coffee or wine somewhere mellow where you won’t run into anyone you know. A hike in the hills to release endorphins and be at one with nature and each other.
3: ENSURE THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR THE TALK
Don’t go straight into your complaints and issues. Give it 10 minutes for the usual pleasantries. What if her cat just died or her mum is ill or she got fired from her job? Time to abort mission! Surely you’re not going to dump on her during a crisis?
4: MONITOR YOUR TONE/VOICE
Raising your voice, colourful language and defensive body language isn’t going to help in any discussion. Make eye contact. Smile and speak calmly and slowly.
5: DON’T BRING ANYONE ELSE INTO THE DISCUSSION
As easy and tempting as it always is to throw others ‘under the bus’ – it’s not fair. If someone isn’t there in person to give their account, leave them out.
6: STICK TO THE FACTS
No exaggerating. Less is more in fact. Just be open, honest and explain why you are upset.
7: LET THEM HAVE THEIR SAY
Once you’ve had your say, let them have theirs. If they start yelling, crying or going for the jugular, ask them to stop, calm down and begin again. Respect is a two way street and as long as you have been respectful to them, they owe that much to you.
8: BODY LANGUAGE
You don’t want to come across as a bully or as aggressive in any way. So don’t immediately pick the most comfy chair or the higher bar stool. You need a level ‘playing’ ground wherever the talk takes place. And no defensive arms crossed or arm gesturing either.
9: END ON A HUG
HUG IT OUT! Hopefully things are resolved and nothing more needs to be done once you have said what you wanted to say. End your discussion with the door open for the friendship to continue.
10: FOLLOW UP WITH A PHONE CALL LATER IN WEEK
Once you and your friend have had time to digest the conversation, follow up with a phone call later in the week. If she doesn’t pick up and doesn’t return your call, at least you know you’ve done your very best!
ARTICLE BY: FIONA RUSELL FOR FEMDE