It’s Not All About Sex, But It Does Help
If you’re thinking that infrequent sex equal a failing relationship, then you need to re-evaluate your variables. Its true that all those who complain about not enough sexy always want more, even after they are fully satisfied and believe it or not there is a real pressure to have sex in a measurable way.
Back in the day, the issue was that you were ashamed because you had too much sex before marriage, now you are ashamed because you have too little! People will experience that desire ebbs and flows, but it’s important to focus on how to bring it back.
The question still stands, how do you engage each other erotically? There are plenty of warm, affectionate relationships and if the sexlessness is mutually accepted, then there is no problem. Now you have to stop and think, is quality more important than the frequency? Yes, people want to feel alive. If there is a spark between you but it only happens every few weeks, that’s okay, the only thing that matters is that its still there. The renewal, the connection, the playfulness is what most people are longing for.
When do you know if you are in trouble or if it has been too long? If it’s months or if it feels like you’re living with your brother or, it’s like, “I’m married to my best friend who I’m not attracted to,” then the way you perceive your partner has become desexualized. When you feel this couple has become family and the desexualization is not about tiredness or stress. When the gaze is never on you. When you go for months and you never think of it except to hope your partner does not think of it either. Now that’s a real headscratcher.
Both partners must agree on the amount of sex, and if you’re too embarrassed to talk about it, YOU SHOULDN’T BE! That’s why you chose to be with your other half, there shouldn’t be any embarrassment between the two of you. What is the erotic connection between two people? If the passion is there, infrequency is only a problem when it becomes active avoidance. Desire discrepancy is often a problem, but it is not the difference between the partners as much as how it is deal with.