Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the famed sex therapist, will release her new book, The Doctor Is In: Dr. Ruth on Love, Life, and Joie de Vivre on June 2 to commemorate her 87th birthday.
Staff over at Huff/Post was so hyped that they had to take a sneak peek at the book. In it, Dr. Ruth talks a lot about her past, from being orphaned by the Holocaust to her training as a sniper in the Haganah paramilitary organization. However, it wouldn’t be a Ruth Westheimer production if there weren’t any sex talk:
1. A boring relationship means a boring bedroom life.
“If, when you look across at your partner while having breakfast, you say to yourself ‘Boring,’ then you won’t be any less bored if you’re naked on the floor in the Tominagi position.”
2. Fantasize — and allow your partner to fantasize.
“Many people grow jealous of their partner’s fantasy lovers. That’s a big mistake. After years of being together, many people need fantasy to become sufficiently aroused for sex… with their partner! As long as your partner is having sex only with you, it doesn’t matter what is going on in his or her head.”
3. DON’T fantasize about someone you know.
“Fantasizing about your next-door neighbor can be problematic. The reason is that when you fantasize about a celebrity, the odds of that fantasy ever coming true are almost zero, so those fantasies don’t pose any danger to your actual relationship. But if you’re fantasizing about the guy or gal next door, well, the possibility of acting out on that fantasy can drive an imaginary or actual wedge between you and your partner.”
4. Don’t have sex only in the dark, even if you’re ashamed of your weight.
“Many men need some visual stimulation to become aroused. Take that away from them and you might be creating a self-fulfilling prophesy — that is, a dying sex life — not because of your added weight but your reaction to it. So parade your body in front of your partner, show it off, try to feel good about it, and see how he reacts.”
5. Don’t tell your partner everything.
“You’re on a business trip; you go out to dinner with a coworker; you each have too much to drink and end up having sex, even though you’re both married. You have no feelings for this person, you both regret what happened, and you promise yourself that you will never let this happen again. Do you tell your spouse I say you don’t. No matter how well your spouse takes this news, it’s going to leave a scar on your relationship.”
6. Orgasms will not be a regular thing.
” If you’re always waiting for that orgasm, you won’t enjoy the rest of the lovemaking as much. You risk being goal oriented, impatiently waiting for that orgasm. But if you tell yourself ahead of time that you’re not going to have an orgasm and instead will try to enjoy everything else to make up for it, I bet you’ll see the rest of what lovemaking can offer in a different light. And the pleasure will help you increase your joie de vivre.”
7. Recognize boredom as the biggest danger to a relationship.
“The first step to fighting boredom is to recognize it. One clue is that you’re always tired even though there’s no particular cause, like a baby who wakes you five times a night or financial worries that keep you from falling asleep. The reason that you are tired is that there’s nothing about your life that makes you excited. If you have nothing to look forward to, then a listless funk will surround you, and a nap becomes enticing because at least your dreams are somewhat entertaining.”